Monday, January 9, 2012

Forward and Backward

It is a new year and I'm drawn into reflection and pushed toward expectation. I look back at the last couple of tumultuous years and I find myself in an unforeseen place. I'm such a dramatically different person, that its difficult to put into words. 
Two years ago, this month, I lost my father. We had a very special bond and I believed that from him, I inherited my creativity. When he was gone, You could say that my life went into a sort of tailspin. It seemed a large vacuum opened up and sucked away the meaning behind much of my life. I mean, most of my habits, interests, and routines were left without significance or purpose. I kept saying, "What does this mean, anyway?" "Why am I doing the things I do, what's the point?" I was struck with how short and precious life is. I was forced to question the little life I had made for myself. Was I using it wisely? Could I use it for more? If I decided to live to the absolute best of my ability, what would that look like? Where would I wind up? Although, confusing; I decided to veer off my comfortable route and start down "the path less traveled".
There's no way I could explain all that I have experienced in this one post, because lets face it...who would read all that? I'm bringing this up now, because I feel I'm at a place where I understand myself more. I sort of found myself again, but I'm different. It seems time to share what I've learned. I haven't blogged much during these two years, because design and interiors no longer have the same meaning to me. I've struggled with how to talk about deeper things on a "design blog". I still don't have an answer. I think I just have to make a sort of break. I will explain myself better in future posts.  Don't get me wrong, I still plan on writing about design, but with the perspective that interiors should have a deeper purpose and not just be nice to look at. My goal is just to live life more authentically and with more creativity. I'm anxious to use this blog as a means of exploration!
So, for those of you who stuck with me this long, I say thanks and I hope we have a great new year of blessings and learning!
Photo via This Great and Lonely Space


Bluebells and Lavender said...

Hi Carolina, may I extend my sympathies at your loss, which is huge, loosing a father...and thank you for sharing such intimate thoughts with us who peer into your world a few days a week or a month. Life is a journey and it seems like you have found your way or at least, you are on your way to seeing the world on a much deeper lever.

Hello Lover... said...

I am so sorry to hear that this has been so hard on you. Cheers to a new years!

The Urban Market Houston Antique Show said...

Can't wait to see what you have in store for us! I'll be reading!
Happy New Year!

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