Saturday, July 3, 2010

Hard Reset

I hope everyone has a wonderful Fourth of July!
Personally, I will be taking time next week to try and reset my brain. Its no secret that I have been very out of sorts this year. The passing of my father was only the beginning of what has been one of the most difficult times of my life. Honestly, it has been so trying and overwhelming at times, that I couldn't think of how to share it on my blog. That is why I have been away so much. Facing other health problems in my family, issues in my marriage, and frustrating professional dealings have left me truly spent. Trying to be creative has been the last thing on my mind.
On the other hand, I have learned many, many things too! For one, I realize how short life is and we should make the most of it, everyday. I also realize how much I have changed the last couple of years. I am not the same person. Most of my priorities have transformed before my eyes. Mostly, I have let go of the hold material things had on my life. Objects and "status symbols" mean very little to me anymore. That is another issue w/ this blog, its difficult to keep writing about furniture and shopping; when I really don't care about it much. I also struggle with pretending to care! At this point, what I really care about is the well being of my family, healing past wounds, caring for others, and expressing my creativity in a way that truly comes from my soul...and I really don't know what that means right now. I'm trying to figure it out.
For months, I've been debating whether I should share all this. I mean most readers want to see article about interior design for goodness sakes! Then it occurred to me that I began this site as a way to express my thoughts and ideas that I often have to keep to myself, because there is no room for them in my day to day. So, that's what I'm doing!! I will be taking this blog in a more personal and introspective direction, because that's where I am right now. Not to say, that I won't write about design; because it is still something I love. Except, design has changed for me. I'm no longer interested in designing rooms or homes that I can brag about or that exist to "impress" others. I want design to be an expression and refuge for the soul. I dream of homes becoming an extension of the owner's inner person, w/out regard to trends and pedigree. Yes, I do realize how crazy this can sound, but its what I feel.
So, I hope that all of you can forgive my current self-examination and self-questioning. Maybe I'm not the only one feeling like this and maybe some of you understand perfectly what I'm saying. So, as you can see I even neutralized the blog title on format. What was there doesn't really represent me anymore, but I'm still not sure what does. That's why I decided to sort of take away everything until I know what I want. Man, all of this sounds crazier than I thought! Crazy or not, I felt I needed to say it here. Think of me what you will, but I wanted to be honest. OK, that's all for now. Thanks for reading this all the way through and I will be back soon:)


Allie said...

I too am a designer who has been struggling with the whole material aspect of what we do. I got into this business 12 years ago because I LOVE design and have always been an artist. But there are days that I find it hard to generate the enthusiasm needed to put up with the attitudes that most of clients have.

My greatest pleasure in this job is when I complete a project for someone who really didn't think they could afford a designer and they are so grateful for my assistance and so happy with the result. Is there a place for a designer who doesn't equate her success to high dollar sales and high profile jobs?

I wish you well on this journey and I look forward to your new slant on design. Take care!

Carolina Eclectic said...

I'm so glad to hear from you Allie. Its nice to know someone understands what I'm talking about:)
I love the idea of truly helping people who didn't think they could afford it. That must really be satisfying!
Thanks Allie

Robin said...

I've been following your blog for a while. You're not crazy at all- I think it's a wonderful direction to take the blog (and you!) In fact, I think it's a very common situation that many many people are going through right now. Good luck- I know whatever you do will be great.

M said...

Hi. I've been reading your blog for a while from overseas, and wanted to de-lurk after reading this post (sorry for my awkward English).
Although I'm not an interior designer, I do understand that being creative is really difficult when big issues occurred.
The whole process (change of priorities, relationships, etc.) itself is a part of one's life anyway, and life goes on…
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. My life is drastically changing too, and I can totally relate to this post.

Dianne said...

Looking forward to the new you!

Dianne said...

This all sounds so refreshing to me. I look forward to following your new direction. Be mindful of every step and the rewards will be great...not always easy but rewarding.

S@sha said...

I think it's great that you want to bring more meaning into the interiors that you design for people. I'm a landscape designer who got laid off last year and have had to radically cut my spending as a result. I've found that I'm really grateful for it because it's so easy to get caught up in the material culture of wanting more and more things, even though the things we already own are perfectly good. I love to read design blogs because I get a dose of all that materiality, but the rooms I really love are those that look lived in, use simpler materials, and have family heirlooms mixed in.

I hope that things work themselves out for you, but in the meantime, I think everyone will be fine if your blog changes course.

Re:Design Technologies said...

i think that our forms of expression need to shift along with our changing values. good for you for pushing through boundaries and being honest! so difficult to do but rewarding in the end. best of luck to you in your new direction! love, penelope

Mary-Laure said...

I think you did the right thing in sharing this with us, and I am SO sorry to hear about your dad... Frankly, one of the reasons why I love blogs is because they are so personal, they really give you access to someone's universe and vision, so telling about what you're going through is a part of it; I find that fellow bloggers have always been extraordinarily supportive when I shared personal hardships on my own blog.

Elements said...

Holding a mirror up tourself evry now and then is not crazy at all and it only helos youe evolve as a person. I think we keep evolving over our lifetime its just how much of a change comes with that new self you discover. Its not bad its not weird and its a healthy way to rediscover what is important to you. It doesn't make what you used to love wrong its just a new take.
This I think will help you as a designer as I have found it makes it alot easier to view what other people want for their homes in a new light....not to transform their home into something everybody has at the moment but into something that is personal and uniue to them.
Good luck moving forward, its just another turn in the road.

Sally J said...

I'm an older blogger...didn't get into design until I was 47, had other careers and raised a family. For me, coming to design was the result of what you are going through now. I left everything that was a constant and went to pursue what I wanted. I ended up here. I congratulate you for enduring a difficult time, and I want you to truly know that sometimes the journey needs those times of reflection to raise us to the next place that we need to be. Continue to search, explore and evalute. In the end, it's all that really counts. Your expression through this blog will be helpful to someone else as well as yourself. It's not always pretty, but when you look back on this time, you'll be so grateful for where it has taken you. Blessings to you, and remember to continue to step forward.

Hello Lover... said...

Sorry to hear this year has been such a struggle for you. I hope you take all the time you need and I'm certain your readers will still be here to hear what you have to share when you return. I'm looking forward to the new direction/ideas/thoughts your blog will be bringing to my reader - best wishes!

Meg said...

Carolina, I will continue reading and following you down this new path! I appreciate and admire your honesty.

Sometimes I get frustrated in our industry too because we are not saving lives at designers. It's not brain surgery or rocket science. The availability of a dust skirt fabric is not life or death. Hiring a designer a luxury, it's frivolous, it's meant to be strictly fun! I try to remind myself that when I get overwhelmed and stressed in the day to day of this job and owning my business. I understand the whole obsession with material things too. After traveling around the world with nothing on our backs for 5 months, my husband and I learned you don't need much to survive and to be happy. There's more to sconces and runners! I'll enjoy reading more about you with or without design related posts! I hope we can meet up for lunch soon xx M

Annie said...

Having been a long-time reader and having met you in person, I can say Carolina, you are worth the search. I also have lost a father, had horrible marriage problems, self doubts. If I could give you any advice it would be to keep putting your son first and to know that you will heal. Healing is often a do-it-yourself project, even with professional help and meds...sort of like doing surgery on yourself. But you and your family will be glad you did it. Also, think of time in small chunks right now, perhaps like 15 minutes ahead...not your whole future.

Love & Hugs,

Danette said...

Thank you for sharing - I do understand what you are it your way

sp1652 said...

'our brightest blazes are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.'

Nancy said...

So sorry about your dad and all the other struggles. We all go a little crazy in difficult times.
I certainly have. One thing I know for sure lifes about changing nothing ever stays the same.
Best Nancy

Nancy said...

So sorry about your dad and all the other struggles. We all go a little crazy in difficult times.
I certainly have. One thing I know for sure lifes about changing nothing ever stays the same.
Best Nancy

Jen Jen Qld said...

Hope to see you back soon all refreshed.

Bob said...

Condolences from a stranger who stumbled upon your blog. You have a good eye and excellent tastes in decor. Do not quit, rather force yourself to focus, try new ideas, and forge ahead now. Get lost in working with other people and trying to inspire them to achieve their best.
I went through a process involving similar emotions; distancing myself from others and allowing apathy replace my career drive after my parents had died.
A local friend of mine is a Psychiatrist and he told me that this is a form of depression that is all part of the normal grieving process and finally facing own mortality. Sometimes takes people many years to realize what is happening and to get back on track.
I wish you all the best.

GrannySmithGreen said...

I adore you for your honesty and introspection. I can relate to your feelings on so many levels. I am terribly sorry to hear of your father's passing. I am sure that must be one of the most difficult things for you to experience. Please know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of people that don't even know you--but we know your spirit. Happy thoughts coming your way.

Persis Shah said...

just stumbled upon your blog and i have to say its LOVELY! do drop by mine too when you have some time. perhaps we can follow each other.=)

have a lovely day!


someday studio said...

I love your honesty! I am sure I am not teh only one for whatever reason that can totally relate. I stopped by (and stuck around ) because of something within you that was an expression of your self. I will continue to look forward to seeing and hearing about whatever you want to share. Life is too short to speak about things that don't speak to you.

Sprinkler said...

I'm new to your blog and obviously I was expecting to read things related to interior design, an area that I have a great deal of interest in. But I have to say that reading this post I found it strangely refreshing. I too am a creative person but I also went through a period of time when I just couldn't do it. My Mum was ill for a very long time, although she is thankfully now much better, and then once she was on the mend my heart was broken in a very unobvious way. Going through such experiences it was hard to find the energy or inspiration to do anything. Artistic endeavours come from so far within us that you can't pull something out if you're feeling empty due to outside forces.

So I don't think what you say is crazy at all but perfectly understandable. There are times when interior design can seem very shallow admittedly. But I think you're right when you indicate that you now have an opportunity to come at it from another angle. I believe that everyone is entitled to a home. I also believe that everyone's home should be their personal oasis in the middle of the world. So if it can be personally orientated, as opposed to materially so, then I think designing such places can be nourishing for both the designer and the resident.

Good luck with your personal search and I hope it all works out as you would like it to.

kj said...

Suddenly facing serious illness, as I lay, day in and day out on my beautiful circular modern couch, I had the most spectacular peek-a-boo view of the loft above me. For hours I lay still, watching the reflection of sunlight glow ever so softly against the loft's skillfully crafted metal ceiling.

I dreamed many a night about our beautiful loft, the memories surrounding the project, and those cozy movie nights with my husband. How I wished to be healthy enough to scale the steps to a room with so many beautiful things.

Should I end up a prisoner of my own body someday, may the cell where I lay be magnificently designed and adorned with all my favorite things.

"You didn't redesign a room; you redesigned our lives." Spoken to our designer, a quote from the sweetest man I'll ever know.

Through design you have the ability to change the lives of others in more ways than you can ever imagine. My best to you.

Mokaliteone said...

I'm so sorry about your Dad. Don't worry, your going to be okay.
Really! :)

I wish you well.